Since returning from vacation with my wife, I have had a burst of motivation, energy, enthusiasm and good vibes. I have felt that my dreams and goals are, in fact, attainable. The fear of not being able, or good enough, to handle unpredictable circumstances along the road to success and been a driving factor in my life.
This past week, I was ready to do it all. I was working Monday and Tuesday, and my wife and I had Wednesday off.
Tuesday night I couldn’t sleep. I was worried about the rest of my week. Wednesday I had to wake up for an oil change at 7 am. Then drive an hour and a half to see my family at, what is called the Hill Cumorah Pageant (Mormon alert!), then drive home arriving home at probably 11.
Thursday, I was working two hours overtime, then hanging out with a friend in the evening, while my wife hung out with her friend.
Friday, I was working more overtime, as was my wife and then we were hanging out with mutual friends that we’ve never gone out with before and then I wanted to go to the Magic the Gathering pre-release at midnight (nerd alert!). I’d get home at 4 am and then work from home at 8:30 am Saturday.
Continuing Saturday, I’d finish work at 5pm then head out to Hill Cumorah Pageant, again, with family this time.
Then, Sunday church service, bright and early at 8:15am (for meetings) and we probably wouldn’t get home until 2pm.
I was stressed about all the stuff coming up in the week.
I wanted to do all these activities, the work and the play. I wanted to prove that I wasn’t afraid, that I was able to make my goals happen. And all those activities was what I wanted.
What I most feared was the unpredictable. What if something happened that I was inept, unable, too stupid and, most importantly, too socially awkward to overcome or handle.
I was freaking out though. I couldn’t sleep at all. My wife told me not to worry about the oil change, it’ll be fine until next week. I thought about it, weighed the pros and cons and relented. I felt better sleeping in.
The week did not go as planned. My dad was hospitalized with diverticulitis, but he’s okay, now. The hangout Friday was so fun that I missed the midnight pre-release. I won’t be going to church Sunday because my family needs help, with my dad sick and all.
And it’s okay! I still had fun, I wish I got the car oil changed but it’s not that big a deal.
It’s not that serious.
I once heard, “a good plan is a plan that can change.” I like to plan but there are obstacles down the road that we can’t see until we start walking. We just have to trust ourselves, not listen to our irrational fears and embrace the unpredictable future.
Thomas Rowley is an aspiring author, but worries too much about the unpredictable future. This is his first time doing a daily word prompt. Who knows how it will go.